I would like to offer my sincerest congratulations to all those who won awards for The Best Indie Books of 2012. As you will be aware, I am a key figure in the indie world, as I moderate the best indie book forum on the web (no offense Patsy, Simone, Loo, Susie, Jook or any of the other people running those cute little Kindle forums I see cropping up elsewhere.) Therefore, I imagine that my congratulations will be very welcome - I only hope they don't dwarf the awards themselves!

I notice that 'The Book of Most Quality Writers' was not deemed eligible for a Best Indie Book of 2012. I imagine that the decision to omit the book I painstakingly edited and contributed to, was to give other authors a chance. It is so eclectic that it could have won every category! How embarrassing that would have been. Also, I think Rosen hates me as she knows that I am a rival for both David Wailing and JS Egan's affections. I say rival, why would anybody want a skinny, ginger tween when they could have a real woman? No offence, Rosen (or Jonathan.)

Stu, well done on winning overall. It's reassuring to know that a book can win on its content alone. Imagine how well it would do if, instead of a grey cover, it had a photo of a hotty in stockings on the front? I'll PM you my private email in case you need a model. I wouldn't usually offer my services but I like to reward fluky successes.

Rosen, three awards? Seriously. You ran the competition yet 'London, the Doggy and Me' didn't even manage to get into the top 3 short stories? If you're going to massage the voting figures, at least do it well. As for 'Pompomberry House' and its scandalous depiction of me - I can't believe it's still legal to sell that mumbo jumbo.

David, I commend you on the originality and diversity you've shown this year - releasing four books in the same genre, about the same piece of kit, with virtually identical covers? Monty would definitely approve! Incidentally, what's your next release going to be?

To those who voted for 'A Splendid Salmagundi', how sweet it is for you to support a little project that needs all the help it can get. Of course, the UK Amazon Kindle Forum stole my idea of launching a group book, but what's a little plagiarism between friends? Nevertheless, if you can manage to pull a win despite improbable odds, imagine how well you could do if a high profile murder was linked to the book? Think about it Kath. Having more authors than Amazon author slots is already causing turmoil ... Time to address the excess?

So in summary, as the true editor/author of the best indie book of 2012, I would like to offer my congratulations to you bunch of imposters for all your hard work in pulling the wool over Rosen's eyes. Deviousness over talent? You will go a long way in the publishing world.

Yours faithfully,

Dawn Mann